We zoomed with Eve Rodsky: the straight-talking, Harvard-trained lawyer and mom of 3 who brings the topic to LIFE (and LOLs) in her NY Times best-selling book, Fair Play. Eve is working to change society one marriage at a time by coming up with a new 21st century solution to an age-old problem: women shouldering the brunt of childrearing and domestic life responsibilities regardless of whether they work outside the home.
Our take? This book is a must read for parents and parents to be. Eve called our conversation a primer on the gender division of labor. Here’s what some of our attendees said:
“This is the most I’ve laughed since the pandemic started. Eve is amazing!”
“This makes me feel so much better!”
“This is the best. Just bought the book.”
Watch the complete recording here.
Grab a copy of Eve's book, Fair Play and the Fair Play card deck.
Our Top Takeaways
- The Fair Play system is all about making the invisible work visible. You can’t manage what you can’t measure.
- Complaining to your girlfriends or in the comments of instagram might be a dopamine hit, but starting a productive dialogue with your partner using the Fair Play system can move your relationship forward.
- How does mustard end up in your fridge? When your husband brings home the Dijon instead of French’s, the failed execution leads to accountability and trust problems. Bring your partner from Conception to Planning to Execution. Don’t throw them into a task when they’re at the grocery store roaming the aisles.
- Think of your home as the most important organization you manage. Delegation, ownership and communication are key.
- Women aren’t opting out of the workforce; they’re being pushed out — societal structures have not caught up with advances women have made at work. This is an ongoing practice, a culture war, and we’re in it together
Eve’s Journey to Fair Play
- We HIGHLY recommend Eve’s book for the razor sharp writing and LOL moments of truth. We won’t give it all away… but after leaving a traditional corporate job in favor of “flexibility” she nearly called it quits on her marriage over a flippant text regarding some off-season blueberries. She began to observe that women had mile-long lists of “shit I do” that wasn’t visible or appreciated by their partners. Those observations turned into thousands of data points, and a system for creating accountability and efficacy at home.
Our Aha Moments
- Love your partner but expecting more equity and recognition in your partnership? Time to get some tools to communicate.
- You deserve as much time as your partner. Period.
- Domestic encroachment is real. Silently taking on tasks because “it’s easier for me to just do it” leads to resentment – death by a thousand cuts.
- When Eve talked to people in her research, nobody said communication was the most important thing in their relationship (people are afraid of these conversations)
- It’s unsustainable for society to function on the backs of women doing unpaid labor
- The most vile discrimination in society is that against motherhood: enter the Add to Resume campaign.
- It’s a practice to keep coming back to the table to communicate with each other
Pandemic Life - Finding Unicorn Space in Quarantine
- Raising a family during a pandemic is incredibly challenging: society guards men’s time as a scarce resource but views women’s time as infinite and less valuable, and women end up rationalizing this.
- Time is not money. And the idea that women are better at mutli-tasking is bullshit.
- Women always feel the need to be present— build your own permission to be unavailable.
Keep up with Eve!
NOTE: Eve has thousands of data points about sis-gendered, heteronormative couples which have informed her work to date. She’s currently building an expanded data set to include LGBTQ couples for an even more inclusive conversation about emotional labor. (CLAPPING EMOJI).
What kind of panel should we host next? Send ideas to firstname.lastname@example.org